‘It’s like riding a bike’ I nonchantly thought to myself as I put the milk away in the cereal cupboard and poured the boiled kettle over my cornflakes……as for the cup of tea…….that got forgotten in the melee of trying to stop our 2yo from climbing into the pram to give her little sis a cuddle.
Given our third daughter recently joined us, in somewhat dramatic fashion (you can read about my heroics of delivering her single handedly here), we are almost one week in and I have been reflecting on our latest experience of having a newborn in the house.
Here are my observations:
– That adrenaline is really, really, REALLY great….until it runs out and you hit what is commonly termed the ‘Newborn Wall’ and the wheels begin to fall off with tiredness
– When it’s a subsequent child, it’s very much like riding a bike and you soon slip back into that groove of being generally ratty, irritable and snappy due to lack of sleep
– Remember all newborns look like a battered, shrink wrapped Orc from Lord of the Rings and WON’T look like that for eternity……at least thats what I have been telling myself as I cry myself to sleep!
– Jeremy Kyle is still s#@t car crash television
– Ditto daytime television in general!
– Blowing on a newborn’s face IS the secret weapon to pacifying them when all else fails
– Newborns inevitably sleep all day and cry all night…..well that is until you implement the
Nazi Prison Camp Gina Ford regime!
– Whilst inquistive elder sisters can be really cute, you have to be on alert for them burying their new sister with cushions to apparently make her ‘More comfortable’!
– Sleep deprivation is overated…..I mean it’s only outlawed under the Geneva Convention as a form of torture FFS so how they expect parents to function normally I don’t know?!?!
– Water Boarding is also outlawed under the Geneva Convention and is not recommended to keep elder siblings in check……..no not even at weekends!
– You become a minor celebrity with a newborn and everyone wants a piece of you, arriving unannounced on your door step. ‘Just thought we’d pop in on the off chance, they say!!!! F@#kers. Don’t they know paternity leave is all about the day time television 😉
– There’s always at least one person you forget to inform about the birth…..whose feelings get hurt……and you have to grovel to so they stop sulking like a baby. It’s not as if your still trying to recover from the 36hr labour and still can’t see straight. Tw@ts.
– Seemingly overnight elder siblings double in size and become five times heavier to pick up!!
– In the same vein newborns are very light and you should bare this in mind when picking them up so as not to put their heads through the ceiling…
– In the inevitable uprising that will be mounted by the elder siblings, party rings for breakfast will become the norm and Ben and Holly will be on continual loop on the TV
– The fact that the elder siblings are running ferral and the house looks like a bomb has gone off are the least of your worries
– Cuddles with big sisters resemble moves from WWE including suplexes and Tombstones
– Soiled newborn nappies have that….what can I say…..smell of innocence when compared to the bombshells that our 2yo deposits in hers’ that could feed a family of pigs for a week!!!
– You become the master of the ancient art of the one handed dump on the toilet whilst consoling a distressed newborn on your lap
– Newborns really aren’t much help when getting them dressed……lazy b@#stards.
– You remember how good you are at doing things one handed whilst carting baby around in the other hand because she won’t settle……mainly typing blog posts!
What were your experiences in the first week?
As always would love to read your comment
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