‘Going to Work is Just Such an Inconvenience!!’

‘That’s it, I’ve decided!’ I thought to myself.

Having to go to work for a living work is a pain in the arse and really gets in the way of being a Dad.

Period!

Don’t get me wrong I am very fortunate in my job that I have a certain degree of flexibility. I am able to work from home regularly (although that carries its own trials and tribulations in terms of productivity) and when I am in the local office I can get back for bath time and be around more than if I was office based all the time.

However this doesn’t negate the fact that I might be there in person but my mind is else where. Since entering the world of Daddy blogging I have come to understand this as being ‘Present’ both in body and mind.

You see I find it difficult to switch off from the hustle and bustle of my job and enjoy being there with my kids when I get home after a busy day. Worrying about whether ‘so and so’, will have done ‘blah blah’, so that ‘what’s his name’ can move up the ‘greasy pole’ really doesn’t inspire me, in fact I detest it!

I really struggle with the whole work-life balancing act. I have always been very ambitious and have come to realise that corporate ambition and wanting to be a present and involved father just don’t go well together.

As I often say the Holy Grail for me in life is to be the best Dad I can be, so that when my kids are older I can honestly say to myself I gave it my best shot. And having a reasonably taxing job is really proving a nuisance to me feeling that I am being true to myself in terms of being a hands on Dad.

‘Just quit your job’ I hear you say!

Well that’s the long term plan but at the moment I am blessed with the poisoned chalice of having the earning power that enables High Command to be at home with the kids full time and to provide us with a comfortable lifestyle.

Having one of us at home with the kids when they are young is very important to us and something that we hope will play a key role in providing a foundation on which the kids can build on as they grow up.

But all the rationale of the above doesn’t change the fact that some nights, when I have had a particularly taxing day at work, the last thing I want to do is come home to a war zone and play the peace keeper.

No harsh reflection on High Command but our house resembles a bomb site (which to someone who suffers from OCD is bad enough) but its the fact that No 1 and No 2 resemble creatures out of some 1980′s horror film that I particularly struggle with.

Gone are the sweet and polite girls that I meet of a morning and replaced with these rabid animals who there is just no reasoning with!

I mean I negotiate things somewhat successfully on a daily basis at work but within 17 seconds of walking through the front door I have been dragged down to their level and find myself in hostile negotiations ranging from ‘No 2 has stolen my teddy Daddy and I think she should go on the naughty step’ to ‘Daddy can you come here and wipe my bum please because I don’t want to’.

I call it the ‘Witching Hour’ (or 3) where those beautiful children are replaced by these hideous things that are hell bent on reducing me to a quivering wreck.

Anyway where was I? Ah thats right working for a living.

You see I had grand plans to make my millions before kids came along so that I could be a full time dad and live off my portfolio of investments etc etc. Unfortunately it didn’t turn out quite like that hence the need for me to keep working.

One thing I am concious of is that No 1 and No 2 wont be small for ever and will soon be sucked in to the schooling system and the opportunity to be at home with them when it matters most will be lost to some degree.

As a first step I am toying with the idea of exploring flexible working, such as having one day off a week, and need to do some more research into this. One of the reasons I havn’t pursued this further is that I am worried about what my boss will say.  She is a perfectly reasonable person but I have got it into my head that she is a career women who never had kids and therefore will frown upon me wishing to spend time with my kids.

That and I wouldn’t know where to start in terms of condensing my week down as I don’t have any structure in my role with each week being very different. Perhaps I just need to man up, grow some balls and start the discussion with my boss and see where it leads me…….

Anyway I feel better after writing this and would love to hear people’s comments on how they manage their work and parenting :-)

Tom

Ideas4Dads

This blog post was also published on the dadzclub website here

I am a 35 year old chap whose life just over three and a half years ago changed forever – I became a Dad! Parenting for me is the final frontier in terms of the life challenges and the one that I really want to succeed at above all others. I am married to my beautiful, supportive (and very patient) wife High Command, and together with our 6 year old chocolate labrador called Millie who is as mad as a box of frogs, I am also the proud owner of two daughters No 1 (aged 3 and a half) and No 3 (aged 1 and a half) with the final addition due in March of next year……….so to say I have my hands full would be an understatement. I decided to start my blog to share some of the helpful hints and tips I have picked over the past couple of years on my quest to be the best parent I can be.

Follow Tom on his blog ideas4dads or on Twitter

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6 Responses to ‘Going to Work is Just Such an Inconvenience!!’

  1. Jason says:

    Hello Tom,

    Having kids is a life changing event and trying to juggle work and home life can be very demanding, I get the fact that it can be difficult to adjust after a taxing day at work whilst coming home to a completely different world which involves the kids and all the parenting roles that come with it. For me personally I work regular nights so when I get home it’s straight to bed! The wife then deals with the morning shift and gets the kids, and herself ready for school and work respectively. The afternoons are normally take care of by myself (with the wife still at work) which involves the school run and then home to sort the kids out, this seems to work great with us not having to rely on childcare which would cause a big issue for us.
    Working nights at the moment is great for the reasons I metioned earlier but with it can bring other issues, especillay when dad is overtired! It happens to us all at times, when your tired and irritable the last thing you need is kids arguing and bickering amongst thenselves and then having to deal with it. I have often shouted at them when maybe I shouldn’t of, purely because I was too tired, I then find myself feeling guilty and having to make it up to them.
    Trying to find a balance is very difficult at times but we do the best we can for all the best intentions. The fact that your writing a blog about your family and sharing hints and tips about parenting etc is testament to you and I’m sure you being the best dad you can be.

    Good luck with the flexible working!

    Regards
    Jason Nelmes
    http://www.nelmosblog.com

    • ideas4dads says:

      Hi Jason thanks for taking the time to right this. It is def a balancing act but I am already starting to reap the benefits of writing the blog. Am feeling more focused and more grateful towards my parenting already :-)

  2. deborabora says:

    Interesting post and also good to hear it from the other side of the fence (i.e. male rather than female).

    Before having children, I always thought Id be a career woman! I saw other strong women balancing kids and a full time job and I respected them and wanted to be them.

    My career is still important to me, I’ve worked hard to get here and it is important to do well (at what I do not necessarily at climbing the ladder). My husband works too (the ‘breadwinner’ in our family) and I’m working because I want to. But now I want it all. I want to do well at my job and be committed but on a strict 9-5 basis so I can also be the mother I want to be who isn’t getting stroppy all the time. In an ideal world I’d also only work 4 days a week (I work 5) but that is (like you) one to work on in the future! I find it tough to do everything and feel like I don’t actually do any of it well and I’m dropping ‘life’ balls left right and centre.

    It’s a tough thing to balance isn’t it?!

    We also use the term witching hour but these days the kids are pretty good – I think it is me that goes through the witching hour scary behaviour now!

  3. This could have been written about me! With the exception that I’m a mum and not a dad. I’ve had many jobs I loved. I enjoy the part time job I have now. I often see full time job ads and think “ooh I should do that”. But then I think… No way… I’ve got three gorgeous girls, two of which are home all day every day and I don’t want to miss a minute with them.

    My part time job is nights, which works out great with Hubs full time day job. I’m a bit tired on a Thursday, but on the weekend I sleep til lunch and Hubs has the girls.

    It’s great to enjoy a job, but I’d really rather not work at all, if it were an option. Work really does get in the way.

    Fantastic post.

    • @Ideas4Dads says:

      Hey Emma thanks for taking the time to post. I cant believe how quickly they grow up. It really is a blink and you could moss so many important milestones :-) we have our third daughter joining us in 3 weeks so its good to know you can survive and work and enjoy the kids :-)

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